


Only When I'm Useful

by pinchess07



Series: Only When I'm Useful [2]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: A+ Parenting, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Graves Lives, Happy Ending, M/M, Pre-Slash, Sad, Sad Newt Scamander, Theseus no, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 13:45:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9387785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinchess07/pseuds/pinchess07
Summary: For this prompt at the km:Real Graves is rescued and all but experiences some bad effects from his imprisonment at Grindelwald's hands so Newt suggests a therapy creature. He chooses Lilac the Swooping Evil who restrained Grindelwald in the subway.This is Newt's POV, and it's my companion piece to Happy to Help.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta'ed.

"Tch. You're so useless!" Theseus snarls, grabbing the rolling quaffle out of the ground.   
  
"Sorry, 'Zeus..." Four-year-old Newt Scamander mumbles, shoulders hunched and head bowed.  
  
"You're so slow! I don't know why I'm even playing with you. Your arms are so short and you don't know how to aim! And you're always crying! So annoying! Always, always crying!" Theseus rants. "Playing pretend Quidditch with you _sucks!_ I don't want to play with you anymore!"  
  
"Sorry..." Newt repeats, biting his lip and wiping his tears away with his sleeve.  
  
\--  
  
"He's six! And there's nothing! There's absolutely no signs of accidental magic! Theseus had been showing accidental magic by the time he's _six months old!_ Do something about him!" Father shouts.   
  
Newt buries his head in Mother's skirt, wishing he could cover his ears, but he doesn't want to let go of his Mother's skirt. He doesn't look up at Mother, knowing she'd have a frown on her face, like she usually does when he's around.  
  
"I'm not going to toss him out," Mother states firmly. "He's good with the hippogriffs. I'll teach him everything there is to know about them. He can take care of them, that way we won't have to hire another hand."  
  
"Hmph. Fine, just get him out of my face," Father grunts.  
  
Mother yanks his hands off her skirt roughly. "Enough of that! You heard your father! Follow me to the stables."  
  
Newt nods meekly, and half-walks, half-runs after her as they exit the Scamander Manor and head to the hippogriffs. Once there, Mother lays both of her hands on his shoulders. He keeps his eyes on his scuffed shoes.  
  
She tightens her hold. "Remember this, Newt. You need to work hard. From now on, you'll stay here. Your father doesn't want to see you in the house anymore. As long as you're useful, you can stay. You've seen our house-elves. If they're too old to work anymore, they're dismissed and given clothes. The same applies to you. If you don't do your job well, we'll have to send you to the Muggles. Do you understand?"  
  
Newt nods. He _is_ good with the hippogriffs.  
  
\--  
  
The Hogwarts letter addressed to Newt is a surprise to all, Newt most especially. Mother purses her lips when he shows it to her. It is clear that she thinks he doesn't have what it takes to be invited to attend Hogwarts, namely, _magic._ He's been doing every chore he had the Muggle way.   
  
Theseus is ordered to accompany him to Diagon Alley for his school supplies. Theseus makes it absolutely clear that it's the only time he'll be seen hanging out with Newt, and that Newt was to stay well away from Theseus once they're at school.   
  
"Lucky I'm graduating this year," Theseus mutters under his breath.  
  
\--  
  
Newt's not surprised that the Sorting Hat shouts "Hufflepuff!" seconds after being dropped onto his head. He hasn't seen his father in years, but he's certain that his father would _not_ be proud of his Sorting.  
  
He's also not surprised that Theseus doesn't bother to clap for him.  
  
\--  
  
"Those are Doxy eggs! Where did you get them? They're poisonous!"   
  
Newt flinches at the sound of a female voice behind him. He turns and quickly glances at her tie-- green and silver. He hunches his shoulders, but doesn't move away from the Doxy eggs that he'd carefully placed in a small glass jar. He bites his lower lip.  
  
"They're not dangerous, as long as you don't eat them," he explains, eyes back to the ground.  
  
"What's your name?" she asks.  
  
"S-Scamander. I'm Newt Scamander," he stutters out, fidgeting with the sleeves of his school robes.  
  
"Well, Newt. I'm Leta Lestrange. I think we're gonna be the best of friends," the girl announces, making Newt snap his head up at her in surprise.  
  
"W-We will?"  
  
"Uh huh! But a student named Goyle in the upper years has been bugging me all week. I think a couple of Doxy eggs would make the perfect gift for him. You'll let me have some, won't you?" she asks sweetly, and he feels dread pool in his stomach.  
  
"I..."  
  
"Excellent!" she chirps, and darts past him to snatch the jar of Doxy eggs.  
  
\--  
  
"Mister Scamander, I would never, ever believe that you would do something to deliberately harm another student. Expecially considering everyone in the castle _knows_ you love magical creatures. So this incident with the jarvey, won't you tell me what really happened?" Albus Dumbledore asks softly, his blue eyes behind his half-moon glasses intently searching Newt's.  
  
He feels regret and guilt surge inside of him, and the memory of how Leta had talked him into it plays in his mind's eye.  
  
Memories of one incident after another follow right after, going back up to the very first time when Leta had used the Doxy eggs to send Goyle to the hospital wing in Newt's first year.  
  
"Oh, my boy..." Dumbledore sighs sadly, conjuring a handkerchief for Newt to wipe his tears with.  
  
"I-I'm sorry, Professor..." Newt sobs.  
  
\--  
  
Theseus barges into the Office for House-Elf Relocation in the Ministry of Magic with all the force of a rogue bludger, making a beeline for Newt.  
  
He drops a tin can onto Newt's paper strewn desk.  
  
"It's a portkey to Somalia," Theseus announces at Newt's wary glance. "Make yourself useful and get rid of their manticore problem. Or keep it in a cage, or get bitten and die, I don't care. Just get out of Britain. I'm running for Director of the DMLE, and if you're out of sight maybe they'll even forget I have a brother. Don't hurry back."  
  
\--  
  
He's never felt so happy, far, far away from his miserable life in London. He somehow blunders through the manticore problem. He wishes he had a place to keep the manticore in-- not a cage, never a cage-- but he only has his battered brown suitcase with him.   
  
He does get bitten in his arm, but he doesn't die, because he had brought some bezoars. He ponders the question of where to keep the manticore as he bandages the bite.  
  
He bites his lip. He only has his case. It's going to be enough. He _will_ make sure it's enough.  
  
As it turns out, the manticore is a very good motivation to learn Undetectable Expansion Charms.   
  
He catches rumors of a bowtruckle smuggling ring in Madagascar, and takes the first ship available in the morning. Not hurrying back to Britain is easy when he has all these magical creatures needing his help.  
  
\--  
  
He forgets the feeding time of his fire crabs only once. He has a shiny burn scar in his left leg to remind him of it for the rest of his life. He meticulously keeps a feeding schedule for all his creatures after that.  
  
\--  
  
He stares at the Obscurus inside the bubble he'd created. He's never felt more useless.  
  
He stares at it some more. Maybe, if he just got a little closer...  
  
The graphorn feeding alarm buzzes, and he turns on his heel. His face was millimeters away from plunging inside the bubble.  
  
\--  
  
He's just one person, and he makes a lot of mistakes. He's often run ragged trying to keep up with his menagerie-- the niffler is not the only troublemaker in his case.  
  
New York happens, and once again he couldn't save an Obscurial. He does find the real Percival Graves alive, however, due to a complete stroke of luck.  
  
He doesn't leave and instead watches the man take back control of the Auror Department, and he thinks, _I'm glad I found you._  
  
Percival Graves is a good man. He is a victim, yes, just like everyone else in MACUSA to some degree, but he refuses to let it hinder him from doing his job. He's strong, and he lends his strength to everyone he interacts with. He forgives his coworkers' mistakes and supports them as they shakily think of the fact that no one had noticed Grindelwald walking among them day in and day out. Or at least, _no one remembers noticing._   
  
"I'm fine. We all are. We all need to see mindhealers for a few months, maybe, but we'll be fine. MACUSA still stands, and the Statute of Secrecy may have been breached, but it's been repaired," Mister Graves declares emphatically. "We've learned our lessson, and we have new protocols to prevent the same thing from happening again."  
  
The Aurors all nod. Newt remains seated on the floor near Tina's desk, hidden from view by Tina's file cabinet. Aside from their initial introduction as rescuee and rescuer, Mister Graves hasn't noticed him.  
  
Which is good, Newt tells himself. He's not doing anything useful and he's just taking up space in MACUSA for no reason. If Mister Graves notices him, surely he'd be booted out of the office before he could say bowtruckle.  
  
He hugs his case to his chest, feeling pathetic for hoping to be useful again.  
  
\--  
  
He watches Mister Graves stalk off, tension evident in the man's frame and stiff movements. Before he knows it, he's up and out of his little corner by Tina's desk. He shadows the man's footsteps quietly until Mister Graves stops in the middle of a corridor.   
  
After a few minutes pass without any movement from Mister Graves, Newt decides to reach out. Just as Newt expected, the man bursts into action at the slightest brush of Newt's fingertips on his coat.  
  
He gets pinned to the wall for his troubles, and his head hits the marble with enough force to make him see stars. The hand he reached out with is caught in a firm grip. Every single instinct he has shouts at him to get away, but he has years of experience with keeping outwardly calm and relaxed in the face of danger.  
  
He meets Mister Graves' gaze, having observed him enough to know that the man likes people who meet his eyes.  
  
 _You need eye contact while bowing to a hippogriff, or they won't bow back,_ Newt reminds himself. Not that Newt has any problem with looking Mister Graves in the eyes. He wants--  
  
Mister Graves drops his gaze first, surprisingly.  
  
"I apologize, Scamander," he offers as he steps away. He hurries back to his office, and Newt follows on his heels, amazed to see the man slowly losing his earlier tension.  
  
Newt freezes as he hears the office door click behind him. He's apparently the kind of idiot who doesn't notice he's entering people's offices without permission. Mister Graves heads straight to his desk, diving into the three-month backlog of paperwork that seems to have been charmed with Geminio, given the way it refuses to diminish even with Mister Graves working on it all hours of the day.  
  
He doesn't notice Newt at all.  
  
 _It's a good thing,_ Newt tells himself firmly. He doesn't want to be thrown out.  
  
Besides, he has an opportunity here. As long as he presents his idea properly, Mister Graves might react positively.  
  
Newt doesn't really notice the hours pass by while watching Mister Graves work, although he really wants to test the paperwork on the desk for the Geminio Curse.  
  
Finally, Mister Graves looks up.  
  
"Can I help you, Scamander?" he asks warily. Newt cocks his head to the side.  
  
"Did you know that a Swooping Evil can absorb curses fired at it?" Newt asks back. Mister Graves blinks and shakes his head slowly.  
  
"It also eats human brains, although I've created an alternative diet for mine. Now it only does that when prompted," Newt continues.   
  
"Oh. That's... reassuring," Percival replies. Newt grins at the positive response. His idea is good, after all.  
  
"That's what I thought as well! So, I thought I'd let you keep Lilac for a while," Newt says.   
  
"Sorry, what did you just say?"  
  
Newt ignores the question in favor of fiddling with something in his right coat sleeve, carefully extracting a palm-sized spiny green ball.  
  
"That's--?"  
  
"Stretch out your hand for me please, Mister Graves," Newt requests, and Mister Graves lays his hand across the desk, palm up. Newt lays Lilac on it gently.  
  
"Hang on, didn't you say it's name was Lilac? It's green, Newt!" Mister Graves blurts out.  
  
"She's lilac on the inside!" Newt cries, pouting. Everything is going very well, however, because Mister Graves has started stroking Lilac slowly.  
  
Newt watches him run his thumb over a particularly ticklish spot on Lilac's back, causing her to burst into action. She flies gracefully across the room, displaying her full wingspan and the magnificent blue underside.  
  
Lilac goes for three laps. She dives down to Percival's hand after surveying the room and finding no threats, and curls back up into a ball. She's a good girl, really-- but Newt keeps the thought to himself and waits for Mister Graves to react or say something. Anything.  
  
"She's beautiful," Mister Graves comments quietly, and Newt can't help but smile proudly.  
  
"She's helped me loads of times. And I thought she could help you too. You... looked like you were... wary of being attacked, earlier. At a state of hyper-awareness, I should say. The point where everything is a potential threat," Newt explains. "I've seen it loads of times, even experienced it a few times myself."  
  
"And Lilac would help how exactly?" Mister Graves asks, looking closer at Lilac curiously.   
  
"Security," Newt announces earnestly. "Backup. Subconsciously, you understand Lilac can protect you. Even now, you're slightly slouching on your seat, Mister Graves. You're relaxed."  
  
Mister Graves blinks and glances down at his body.  
  
"Ah. You're right," he agrees.  
  
"Please keep Lilac for now. I don't have any plans to leave the country just yet, so just focus on recovering," Newt continues. Mister Graves nods, and the hint of a smile on his lips makes warmth flood Newt's insides.  
  
\--  
  
He lives for the moment when he can greet Mister Graves with a good morning, that single part of the day that Mister Graves focuses on Newt for a minute or two before moving on with his day. It's amazing how much his presence makes Newt feel better. ~~It's so hard to stay away. Eventually he'll be told to leave for good.~~  
  
Thank Merlin for Tina who patiently tolerates his presence as long as he doesn't break her focus when she's working on something and he keeps all his creatures contained. He's able to catch glimpses of Mister Graves whenever the man leaves his office.  
  
It's like observing a hippogriff or a thunderbird in its natural habitat. ~~It's a pathetic infatuation that will never be returned.~~  
  
\--

 

* * *

One evening, Mister Graves claps his shoulder completely out of the blue. Newt freezes in shock, accutely feeling the weight of Mister Graves' hand through his coat. "Good night, Newt. See you tomorrow."  
  
The way his name sounded like from Mister Graves' lips plays on repeat in his head as Mister Graves leaves him in the hallway.  
  
He spends the night in his cot inside his case feeling exceptionally warm and happy. The next morning, however, Mister Graves walks into the office with the blankest face Newt has ever seen on him. It's the look of someone having a bad day and just trying to get through it no matter what.  
  
Maybe he can do something to help. _Maybe..._  
  
He feels his palms start sweating, but he swallows back his nerves and tightens his hold on Kiter, a black kneazle. He enters Mister Graves' office, where once again the man is seated at his desk. He walks right up to Mister Graves, and deposits Kiter onto the man's lap.  
  
"Here you go, Mister Graves!" Newt declares.  
  
Mister Graves glares at him, but it's fine, the man is just having a bad day, he wasn't really angry at Newt. He hasn't made any move to push Kiter off his lap-- it's a very good sign. "I told you, call me Percival. And what is this?"  
  
"This is Kiter! You can have him for the day. You looked like you had a bad dream last night," Newt explains, smiling proudly. He barely restrains the urge to add _you can hug him so you'll feel better._  
  
"Meow," Kiter adds loudly, catching Mister Graves' attention. Mister Graves considers the kneazle for a moment.  
  
"As it happens, I need to go... _ask_... someone some questions. I think I'll bring Kiter with me. Thank you, Newt," Mister Graves says with a _smile._ Newt did that.  
  
 _He made Mister Graves smile._ He feels heat flood his cheeks.   
  
_Mister Graves smiled at him._   
  
\--  
  
An arm snags Tina as she walks through the MACUSA hallways.   
  
"Shhh! It's just me," Queenie says before Tina can grow more alarmed and whip out her wand. Queenie then proceeds to lock the door and cast a Silencing Charm and an Imperturbable Charm on it.  
  
Tina raises her eyebrows in confusion.  
  
"I'm concerned about Newt," Queenie blurts out. "I passed him this morning, and..."  
  
"What happened to him?" Tina demands, mind already going through numerous horrible possibilities faster than she could voice them out. Queenie shakes her head vigorously, blonde curls bobbing with the motion.  
  
"He's fine, physically," Queenie states, biting her lip. "But..."  
  
"What was he thinking about?" Tina asks out loud, knowing she wouldn't like the answer, not with how Queenie was acting.  
  
"Newt and Mister Graves are friends, aren't they?"  
  
Tina nods. "Newt likes him, I think--"  
  
"--And Mister Graves is sweet on him as well," Queenie adds. "I spoke with him earlier, after I passed by Newt. Once I spoke Newt's name, his mind was filled with memories and thoughts of Newt and it's very clear to me that Mister Graves is very fond of him."  
  
"But?" Tina asks, getting a sinking feeling in her stomach.  
  
"Newt thinks... Newt thinks that now that Mister Graves is fully recovered and back to himself, he won't need Newt anymore. Newt thinks that Mister Graves won't have any _use_ for him anymore. He's thinking of leaving, and it's breaking his heart, Tina," Queenie whispers, unable to say it any louder.  
  
Tina thinks back to how Newt was extra-fidgety and listless earlier. She had just thought that Newt was itching to go outside, because he wasn't really the type to love getting stuck in an office.  
  
There has to be something she can do to help...  
  
"Is Mister Graves still in his office? No, never mind, of course he is, he always stays late," Tina mumbles, moving swiftly. Behind her, Queenie cheers, "Good luck, Tina!"  
  
"Boss," Tina calls from the entrance of Mister Graves' office.  
  
"What is it?" Mister Graves asks, attention on a memo in his hand.  
  
Tina blurts out the first thing on her mind. "Do us a favor and forget your scarf tomorrow."   
  
She's gone before he could ask her to clarify. She hopes it's enough.  
  
\--  
  
 _Mercy Lewis,_ Tina thinks giddily the next morning, seeing her boss walk into his office without his blue scarf around his neck.  
  
As soon as Mister Graves is out of sight, Tina urges Newt up from where he's sitting on the floor. "Quick, here's your chance, Newt! He's forgotten his scarf!"  
  
"W-What?" Newt splutters, quickly shutting the lid of the teapot he's holding.  
  
"I know when you're making tea and just pretending to make one, you know! You've got an occamy in there, don't you? Go, I'm sure Mister Graves would appreciate it if you lend it to him," Tina states, firmly pushing Newt in the direction of her boss' office.  
  
"You think so?" Newt asks, hope shining in his eyes. Tina nods, and Newt finally moves.  
  
\--  
  
"Mister Graves! Good morning!" Newt says brightly. "I noticed you forgot your scarf today, sir. It's a bit chilly out, and I thought, I have just the thing!"  
  
He unearths a teapot from his coat pocket. Mister Graves raises an eyebrow.   
  
"Thank you, Newt, but I'm afraid I prefer coffee," Mister Graves says apologetically.  
  
Newt flushes. "Oh, no! No, it's not tea, Mister Graves!"  
  
He opens the teapot lid, and something blue and feathery rises from inside.  
  
"Did you call it Lavender?" Mister Graves teases.   
  
Newt pouts. "His name is David. I thought you could substitute him for your scarf for today. I can guarantee he's very warm, Mister Graves!"  
  
Mister Graves accepts David, but he doesn't put the occamy on immediately. Newt looks confusedly at him.  
  
"Is there a problem...?" Newt asks slowly, eyes going over Mister Graves' body language. He looks like he's in deep thought.  
  
 _Ah. So he's finally..._  
  
"Newt, I--" Mister Graves starts to say, but Newt cuts him off. He already knows how it goes.  
  
"I've gone too far, haven't I? I'm so sorry for bothering you, Mister Graves," he mutters to the floor. "You... You can just put David back into the teapot and I'll... I'll go..."  
  
Mister Graves sighs. Newt continues pretending being interested in the floor and flinches when Mister Graves steps closer.  
  
It's cruel of him, Newt thinks. He doesn't need to pretend he cares about Newt anymore. He doesn't need to get any closer since he's gonna be asking Newt to leave anyway.   
  
"I meant to say that I really appreciate what you're doing, Newt," Mister Graves says.  
  
Newt nods sullenly. "But now I've got to stop doing it. I understand, Mister Graves."  
  
"That's not what I was trying to say. That's not what I want you to do," Mister Graves states. Newt hates the fact that he can hear a faint voice in his head saying _Leave, and never come back._ It sounds like Theseus.  
  
"What do you want me to do then, Mister Graves?" Newt asks tonelessly, feeling his stomach churn. Why does Mister Graves have to do it this way? Newt already _knows._ Mister Graves doesn't have to rub it in. He didn't think Mister Graves would be this cruel, but he's been wrong about people before.   
  
"Please, look at me," Mister Graves whispers. Newt raises his eyes from the floor at last. He gets as far as the man's shoulders, where David is lounging lazily, but he can't get the courage to meet the man's gaze this time, unlike before.  
  
"I was only trying to express my gratitude, that's all. I wasn't trying to drive you away," Mister Graves explains, continuing when Newt remains silent with disbelief. "You can keep doing it. You don't have to, but you can if you want."  
  
At this, Newt finally glances up, feeling flabbergasted. "I can? I thought..."  
  
Mister Graves nods. "I'd still like you regardless. As a friend, or more, if you want."  
  
And Newt... Newt can't help but flinch.  
  
"That's... that's not... You're lying..." Newt denies weakly. He's got years and years of experience in his belt. He is absolutely certain that there is nothing to like about him if he's not useful in some way. There is no way Mister Graves is telling the truth, but he desperately wants to believe the man.  
  
"I'm not, I assure you."  
  
"You never even noticed me before I... No, you're lying, Mister Graves. I'm only ever likeable when I'm useful," Newt mutters in an undertone, Mister Graves' gaze again. "Otherwise I'm too troublesome, or too awkward, or too different."  
  
"It's true that I only really noticed you the day you lent me Lilac," Mister Graves agrees. "But Newt, I like you because you're kind, and caring. You genuinely love each and every creature you come across. You have your morals and you stick to them. You have your determination, your one-man crusade against the cruelty of humans to magical creatures, and I admire you for it. You somehow always know what I need the most. You understand me, and that's-- That's what I like about you, Newt. It's not because you're useful."  
  
Newt hunches over, bowing his head. He wants to cover his ears again, just like he'd wanted to do so long ago with Father, but he knows it's not how normal people act when in polite company. He clutches his left arm with his right instead.  
  
"That's not... How can that be...?" Newt whispers, hating how he's so close to crying again. He hates how he wears his heart on his sleeve. This, this is one of the reasons why people don't like him. Mister Graves can't be telling the truth. Theseus had made it very clear. He'd hoped Mother and Father would like him better once he'd gotten his Hogwarts letter, but they didn't. _Leta_ had never really liked him, she'd just wanted to use him, and he'd let her. He was a fool to fall in love with her. He keeps her picture in his shed as a reminder, and he...  
  
He hasn't looked at it in a while. He had forgotten. He'd gone and fallen in love again, despite knowing that he'd get hurt in the end. Why did he let himself forget?   
  
He feels himself enveloped in a warm hug-- and he remembers how he'd wanted Mister Graves to show care for him the way the man had cared for his subordinates, those first few days he'd been back in the office. And now Mister Graves is hugging _him._   
  
"Sometimes, you are troublesome. You break laws when you think it's necessary. Sometimes, you're awkward too. And you're definitely different. But despite that, you are likeable. I like you. I won't stop liking you even if you stop being useful to me," Mister Graves says, gently petting Newt's hair. "I promise, Newt."  
  
Newt looks up, his watery eyes searching Percival's.  
  
 _I let myself forget because I'd hoped Mister Graves would be different._  
  
"I promise," Mister Graves repeats firmly.  
  
Newt's tears slowly spill over, this time in happiness and renewed hope _._ "Thank you..."

**Author's Note:**

> Is it too OOC? Does anyone want to join me in my puddle of tears on the floor? I'd love to know what you thought!


End file.
